My Favorite John Lennon Song

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inviting and inciting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

My Favorite Michael Jackson Song

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.




[ MICHAEL JACKSON LYRICS at www.AZLyri

Regrets

'Regrets, I've had a few, but not so many I need to tell them.' So goes the line from a Frank Sinatra song. However, I have many. Like when I am feeling sorry for myself. When I am I get selfish. My last two posts were an example of that. I have far to go yet, and I realized this when I re-read what I wrote. But it's all a process of growth, and at least now I realize it. I guess that's a sign of growth.

Alone Tonight

I guess this blog was a mistake. No comments make the attempt in vain. I just wish for once somebody would reach out to me. But it's my fault. I am the wrong one.

Toxic Thinking Part 1

It's Sunday night and I begin a full schedule of meetings and counseling sessions tomorrow. It will be my seventh week in rehabilitation. So what have I learned. Well it seems the longer I am here, the more I learn I have to learn. I know for sure that one month would not have been nearly enough. I will be here for at least three months. But this is a good thing. I know for sure that to even try to place that which I need, time is needed. Time beyond whatever I would have ever conceived would have needed. But let's go beyond that. Let's talk about friends. I have formed the most myriad of friends here than ever in my past. They do literally come from all walks of life. They range from those who have spent decades in prison, to other 'light-weights' like me who have duis. We are all equivalent in that we know we have problems. And not a one of us is certain that our time here will be enough. But I think that is one of the saving graces about my journey here. This uncertainty propels us all to help each other. Oh for sure it's not glamorous. For those in recovery who can afford it, rehabilitation centers that match their budgets are far more attractive. But are they more effective? I don't know. But I have no doubt this is the best route for me.

I have another thing I want to write tonight. My ego has been boosted during my stay here by the pride those here take in my accomplishments and the fact that at times they can form a line wanting to see me. Can you imagine what it is like to have people here tell their family and friends there is a doctor here. They tell me how intelligent I am, how they like what I have to say in group. It seems all my life since my upbringing with my father I have sought this validation. After I first received my second dui, I spent a month with my brother. I was so kind among other things to take me to an AA meeting way out of his way wait two hours and then pick me up. On the way home he spoke of how intelligent I am. His praise was like a blanket swarming me. It felt so warm. I thought if only those in my family, including my in-laws could ever recognize as such. But this has its downside too. For it reminds me of the resentment I have held onto all my life. In this case for my brother-in-law who could not even recognize my achievement in earning my doctorate and the fact he could not make it to my after-party. But this is toxic thinking. I have not only held it against him, but so many others. This is a story I will continue in 'Toxic Thinking Part Two.' Needless to say, I have an overwhelming need for affirmation in a way that I believe is foreign to most. And being of this intelligence who do I go to talk physics, philosophy, metaphysics, etc. Very few indeed. What is ironic, some of the most intelligent people I have met who can carry on conversations in this realm. How many of you can say you've read Nietzsche. Not just a summary of him, but his collected works. Well guess what, I can say so, it's people here who have. I have had some of the most stimulating discussions in my life with former prisoners. They can put us all to shame.

Once Again

I tried to be honest, for most of my life
Then found myself lying, to my daughter and wife
Once I started drinking, It only got worse
There were even a few times, I stole cash from her purse
So many responsibilities, I soon fell behind
Saturated by booze, I was losing my mind
For all my education, this one had me beat
Finally threw in the towel, I accepted defeat
I sought help for myself, not sure if I could
For all my deceptions, I deserved where I stood
A little more honest with, myself and with all
I'm avoiding those triggers, I'd look for to fall
I'm learning to like myself once again
And in finding myself, I can be a true friend
So here I go again, round one hundred and two
This time I am thinking, I know I will make it through
For those I love dearly, I just thank you all
For never abandoning me, those times I would fall

Ricky Z for Me

Why Now

This blog was first started two years ago in conjunction with my business. But as one can see from looking at its history, not much was done with it. Now, inspired by my daughter, I've changed it's name and it's focus to more personal observations. With what that I am now in recovery and rehabilitation, I am sure much of it will focus on my journey back and beyond. It will also consist of replies to my daughter as well as observations to and for her. The name of the blog is inspired by my poet friend Rick as is the description, so aptly written in his very characteristic poetry.